Thanksgiving is right around the corner and I've been busy getting things ready and yesterday as we were leaving Walmart my 4 year old said "mommy why is that man sitting on the ground?" I looked over and there sat a man with dirty clothes, face and hands with a saddened almost devastated look on his face. His sign read: "Out of work HUNGRY". I told Landin that he could possibly be homeless and he asked what homeless means and I explained to him that others are as fortunate as we are and by the end of the conversation I was a mess. I cried all the way to the mall. Everything I take for granted everyday ran through my mind. I feel a strong conviction when it comes to those who are less fortunate than I am. I often wonder what happened in their lives that lead them to this point. If we stopped for one second to even imagine the path their feet have taken would our hearts be broken? I pray often for God to allow me to see the world as he sees it and days like yesterday are heartbreaking. I look at my life and realize how often I complain and take things for granted. How blessed am I to have a warm home to come home to, the ability to grocery shop wherever I want and get whatever I want (I do shop on a budget but I def. don't go without) I can go to my closet and I have more than enough choices of clean clothes to wear and yet at times its not enough!!
I've shared before that I did have a rough childhood and if I think back there are times where I did without and it was normal to me. I can remember my mom going to food banks and getting groceries. If it wasn't for the kindness and generosity of others (strangers) I might have went even more hungry a time or two. My family wasn't fully aware of the situation I'm sure that had they known what was going on they would have helped. I can remember bouncing around with no permanant home and feeling lost. So on a very very very small scale I can relate to some of the feelings that those who are less fortunate have. I thank God for saving me and blessing me beyond what I even deserve. I want to encourage you with this post by asking you this holiday season (or anytime of the year really) to take some time and give to those who do without. Whether its donating food to a local food pantry or volunteering at the many shelters, soup kitchens or food banks. You just never know the impact you can have on others :)
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
My Testimony
As most of you know my name is Amanda. I am 26 years old and a stay at home mom to 2 wonderful (crazy) boys. I am married to a great man named Jason and I am a Christian. But life wasnt always like this for me. My parents both struggled with substance abuse problems. I'm pretty sure almost my whole life. My mom and dad would drink alcohol and use drugs. My dad was a truck driver and my mom was a stay at home mom. I can honestly say I don't have very many clear memories about growing up and the ones I do remember clearly aren't good ones. When I was 6 or 7 my parents spilt up I went with my mom my brother (5years older than me) stayed with my dad. I remember bouncing from house to house until I was about 10 or 11. That's when things really took a turn for the worse. My mom was introduced to crack by a boyfriend and everything was complicated after that. I was left for days on my own without seeing her. I would come home to find her passed out on the floor. I missed more school than most because I either never had a ride or was to upset because I couldn't find my mom. My dad and the rest of my family had no idea that any of that was going on I was ashamed and embarrassed.
I decided that after a year of living like that I had to get out so I went to my Dad's house. Only for him and his girlfriend to break up leaving us basically homeless living with my dad's friends. Finally my dad got a stable job working for my aunt and my grandma rented us a house and things were looking good. That is until my dad started using drugs again. I was in junior high at this point and wasn't fully aware of exactly what was going on but by my freshman year of high school I was fully aware of the drug use. I started missing school drinking and experimenting with drugs myself. By the time I was 16 I started using Meth on the weekends by the time I was 17 I was using it almost daily and dropped out of high school. I began using it with my dad after I started dating a guy who would ultimatley be my worst nightmare. My dad finally decided he had enough of the drugs and the lifestyle and quit cold turkey. 2 months later I was arrested for possession of chemicals to manufacture. We were arrested after my then boyfriend's friend died of a drug overdose. He had been with us just prior to his overdose. He had taken almost all the Meth with him and a bag of needles (just to clarify I never shot up). After we dropped him off and went back to the house we realized what he had taken with him but it was too late. A week later at 1:10 pm the house we were living in was raided. I went to jail and spent the night. I was charged with a Class 1 felony and after a year of court dates I plead guilty in 2005. I never picked up another drug since the day I was arrested.
I believe this is the point where God really started working in my life and I didn't even know a single thing about Him. In 2006 my boyfriend started abusing me verbally and when I didn't do what he wanted he would hit me or throw things at me. I was scared of him to say the least. He decided it was time for us to get married so I felt this obligation to get married to him since his family had bailed me out of the trouble we had got in. May 9, 2006 my life was shattered. My dad worked 3rd shift and usually slept until 1 or so everyday. After trying to get a hold of him all day with no answer I went to his apartment and when I went in he was laying in bed not responding. He had a heart attack in his sleep. My dad and I were very close and had a wonderful relationship the last 2 years he was alive. We were both sober and he had his life on track. I was only 20 when he died and a month later I got married. The abuse got worse and he started leaving me for weeks at a time to go out of town (he didn't work he is a trust fund baby). I was alone and grieiving the loss of my dad.
It only gets worse from there....September 2006 an old boyfriend found me on myspace and I had an affair with him and ended up pregnant. I had to tell my husband and what happened next even I can't believe after he of course hit me spit on me and verbally assaulted me he told me either I have an abortion or he'd leave me on the streets like the trash I was. October came and he drove me to the clinic and I had it done. I was completley devastated and disappointed that I had made all these choices that lead me to kill a baby that had no choice. I had spiraled out of control after my dad died with drinking and of course making the horrible choice to have an affair. Decemeber 2006 everything changed. Thats when my now husband Jason and I really connected after knowing eachother for the last 4 years. My marriage was over before it even started. He had cheated on me even before we got married and continued even after I cheated on him. Ground Hog Day 2007 I decided I'm done I'm out of here. I finally left my husband and filed for divorce. I found out later that month that Jason and I were pregnant with our son Landin. It was the worst 2 months of my life he constantly called me trying to get me back and whent that didn't work he threatened to kill me so I had to get a restraining order. Finally in April my divorce was final and I could now move on with my life.
Jason and I moved in together and had Landin in November 2007. It was hard because I was so emotionally damaged from my last relationship.We decided to get married August 2008 and that Novemember we were lead to New Beginnings Church of God by a friend Jason worked with. They invested in us and would just share their faith with us. By December I was saved. I remember feeling free of all the garbage of my past. I could finally start to forgive myself because God had forgiven me and gave His son to die for my sin. The price had already been paid. I sit here with tears in my eyes as I remember all of these awful things I've done and experienced but also tears for joy and thankfulness. Thankfullness to a God who loved ME a sinner!! But things didn't just become all sunshine and roses after I was saved either. May 2007 (prior to me being saved) my mom was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. It was so hard to see her so sick and struggle so much. She was still using drugs and living the fast lifestyle but by May 2008 she was diagnosed with brain cancer. That almost instantly stopped her in her tracks. She always said that God went to an extreme legnth to get her to slow down. I started to see a change in her and it was God. It was the summer of 2009 I was asked at the last minute to go feed my mom dinner. I was upset by my aunt who asked me to go without any notice and we ended up fighting. When I got there my mom was crying and I'm not sure how it all really happened but I asked my mom if she wanted me to pray with her. I asked her if she was saved and she shook her head no (she could no longer speak) so I prayed with her the sinner's prayer the best I could and that was a moment that will never ever leave me heart and I also realized that God can use any situtation and time to do His work. Within a month or so my mom was gone. I was 23. I remember feeling so angry and cheated because both of my parents were gone. 11 days after my mom's funeral I found out I was pregnant with my second son Carter. I really feel like God has blessed Jason and I with two beautiful sons. Jason and the boys are like my gifts from God. To me it is like God sent them to me to save me.
Jason and I have struggled at points in our marriage and honestly if we had not clung to God and His word we both think its safe to say we wouldn't be together still. I am living proof that no matter where you are in life no matter how many awful things you've done or how many people have been hurt by you along the way God still loves you. I realize that I can't do this alone I need God I need His word!! I'll be compleltey honest right now I am hestitant to even post this. I fear that I will be judged and that others will think different of me. I hope that in sharing this someone can relate or be helped. There are still challenges along the way and I'm by no means perfect or free of sin but I do strive to be who God has intended me to be. Thanks for reading I apologize for this being so long but I couldn't leave some things out :)
I decided that after a year of living like that I had to get out so I went to my Dad's house. Only for him and his girlfriend to break up leaving us basically homeless living with my dad's friends. Finally my dad got a stable job working for my aunt and my grandma rented us a house and things were looking good. That is until my dad started using drugs again. I was in junior high at this point and wasn't fully aware of exactly what was going on but by my freshman year of high school I was fully aware of the drug use. I started missing school drinking and experimenting with drugs myself. By the time I was 16 I started using Meth on the weekends by the time I was 17 I was using it almost daily and dropped out of high school. I began using it with my dad after I started dating a guy who would ultimatley be my worst nightmare. My dad finally decided he had enough of the drugs and the lifestyle and quit cold turkey. 2 months later I was arrested for possession of chemicals to manufacture. We were arrested after my then boyfriend's friend died of a drug overdose. He had been with us just prior to his overdose. He had taken almost all the Meth with him and a bag of needles (just to clarify I never shot up). After we dropped him off and went back to the house we realized what he had taken with him but it was too late. A week later at 1:10 pm the house we were living in was raided. I went to jail and spent the night. I was charged with a Class 1 felony and after a year of court dates I plead guilty in 2005. I never picked up another drug since the day I was arrested.
I believe this is the point where God really started working in my life and I didn't even know a single thing about Him. In 2006 my boyfriend started abusing me verbally and when I didn't do what he wanted he would hit me or throw things at me. I was scared of him to say the least. He decided it was time for us to get married so I felt this obligation to get married to him since his family had bailed me out of the trouble we had got in. May 9, 2006 my life was shattered. My dad worked 3rd shift and usually slept until 1 or so everyday. After trying to get a hold of him all day with no answer I went to his apartment and when I went in he was laying in bed not responding. He had a heart attack in his sleep. My dad and I were very close and had a wonderful relationship the last 2 years he was alive. We were both sober and he had his life on track. I was only 20 when he died and a month later I got married. The abuse got worse and he started leaving me for weeks at a time to go out of town (he didn't work he is a trust fund baby). I was alone and grieiving the loss of my dad.
It only gets worse from there....September 2006 an old boyfriend found me on myspace and I had an affair with him and ended up pregnant. I had to tell my husband and what happened next even I can't believe after he of course hit me spit on me and verbally assaulted me he told me either I have an abortion or he'd leave me on the streets like the trash I was. October came and he drove me to the clinic and I had it done. I was completley devastated and disappointed that I had made all these choices that lead me to kill a baby that had no choice. I had spiraled out of control after my dad died with drinking and of course making the horrible choice to have an affair. Decemeber 2006 everything changed. Thats when my now husband Jason and I really connected after knowing eachother for the last 4 years. My marriage was over before it even started. He had cheated on me even before we got married and continued even after I cheated on him. Ground Hog Day 2007 I decided I'm done I'm out of here. I finally left my husband and filed for divorce. I found out later that month that Jason and I were pregnant with our son Landin. It was the worst 2 months of my life he constantly called me trying to get me back and whent that didn't work he threatened to kill me so I had to get a restraining order. Finally in April my divorce was final and I could now move on with my life.
Jason and I moved in together and had Landin in November 2007. It was hard because I was so emotionally damaged from my last relationship.We decided to get married August 2008 and that Novemember we were lead to New Beginnings Church of God by a friend Jason worked with. They invested in us and would just share their faith with us. By December I was saved. I remember feeling free of all the garbage of my past. I could finally start to forgive myself because God had forgiven me and gave His son to die for my sin. The price had already been paid. I sit here with tears in my eyes as I remember all of these awful things I've done and experienced but also tears for joy and thankfulness. Thankfullness to a God who loved ME a sinner!! But things didn't just become all sunshine and roses after I was saved either. May 2007 (prior to me being saved) my mom was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. It was so hard to see her so sick and struggle so much. She was still using drugs and living the fast lifestyle but by May 2008 she was diagnosed with brain cancer. That almost instantly stopped her in her tracks. She always said that God went to an extreme legnth to get her to slow down. I started to see a change in her and it was God. It was the summer of 2009 I was asked at the last minute to go feed my mom dinner. I was upset by my aunt who asked me to go without any notice and we ended up fighting. When I got there my mom was crying and I'm not sure how it all really happened but I asked my mom if she wanted me to pray with her. I asked her if she was saved and she shook her head no (she could no longer speak) so I prayed with her the sinner's prayer the best I could and that was a moment that will never ever leave me heart and I also realized that God can use any situtation and time to do His work. Within a month or so my mom was gone. I was 23. I remember feeling so angry and cheated because both of my parents were gone. 11 days after my mom's funeral I found out I was pregnant with my second son Carter. I really feel like God has blessed Jason and I with two beautiful sons. Jason and the boys are like my gifts from God. To me it is like God sent them to me to save me.
Jason and I have struggled at points in our marriage and honestly if we had not clung to God and His word we both think its safe to say we wouldn't be together still. I am living proof that no matter where you are in life no matter how many awful things you've done or how many people have been hurt by you along the way God still loves you. I realize that I can't do this alone I need God I need His word!! I'll be compleltey honest right now I am hestitant to even post this. I fear that I will be judged and that others will think different of me. I hope that in sharing this someone can relate or be helped. There are still challenges along the way and I'm by no means perfect or free of sin but I do strive to be who God has intended me to be. Thanks for reading I apologize for this being so long but I couldn't leave some things out :)
Monday, November 14, 2011
Please read there are changes being made :)
I know many of you think that this page/blog is geared towards being a wife and a mom and it is but I've had a vision for this from the start and somewhere along the way it has went another direction. I am a Christian my faith is very important to me and it is time that I take this the direction it was intended to go. I've often felt like I shouldn't make this page Christ centered and that most would feel uncomfortable with certain things. But I've found its me that feels uncomfortable because I hold back on sharing my faith and the word of God. I don't want to offend anyone and cause any sort of drama here but I want to be true to who I am. I truly strive to be who God has intended me to be. I would love to share the "good news" with those who don't know it. I have this deep hurt in my heart for those who are not saved. I cringe at the thought of anyone going to hell. I know that I will most likely lose some fans after posting this as some are only here for the "mommy stuff" but let me just say there is so much more than that. I will take the time in the next few days to post my testimony. It will be a rather long post and I want to put everything I have into it so that you all can get to know me on a real level and understand why I have the passion I have to share my faith. Also I will be renaming the page to Life as a Christian Mommy and Wife. You don't have to be a christian to be a part of my page everyone is welcome. My heart and mind are open to everyone. I hope that everyone sticks around to see the changes in the page and me. Thanks again for all your support!!!
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Get to know a little about me.
This is my new blog that I created because I find I have so many things to talk about and not enough space for it on facebook haha. I am very passionate about building strong marriages and families. I love sharing my life with others and having others share with me. I am a Christian and we are rasising our two sons in a Christ centered home. Do I always get it right? I'll answer that with a big NO but I strive to be better everyday. I want to share my struggles, my joys, my Faith and all the things in between with anyone who wants to listen. I have to admitt I'm rather outspoken and unfortunatley I can be rather stubborn from time to time. I am a perfectionist which usually never works in my favor. I love to laugh, have fun and meet new people. I genuinely care about others and think building strong relationships with others is vital to life. I love going to church and being involved in areas of service. The last 2 years have been difficult to serve as a mother to 2 young boys but now that they are a little older I am really trying to focus on where God wants me to serve. I struggle with things just like everyone else and I am open and willing to share it with others. I look forward to blogging more and getting to know other women in any season of life :)
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